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| I think I'm gonna cry.
I'm fed up with it. I've had enough. I'm not sure what I'm fed up with and had enough with, though. Most things, I suspect. Everything is making me so angry and I'm sick of it and I feel so forgotten and unwanted and ignored all the time even though there is no reason for it and I am so jealous of anyone and anyone and I'm guilty over stuff even when it s not my fault and I still feel so lonely and it's like someone has torn my heart out and thrown it off the wall and you're laughing about me when I am not there, I know you are and worst of all THERE IS NO ONE I CAN TALK TO. And my eyes are sore and there's a pain in my side and I feel sick and so SO stressed becaue of school and I'm wondering why I even bother with it. In a nutshell, I think I might be steadily losing my marbles and I'm starting to think that me wanting to be a clinical psychologist is horribly ironic. Though I suspect no one cares so I think I shall shut the hell up now and let you all get on with your lives, okay?
There is no reason for me wanting to cry, except perhaps my computer and it's retardedness. Move along now, kiddies.
Wait, I lied. To end this on a happy note, I shall show you the camera I am veering towards getting for krispymas:
http://www.argos.co.uk/static/Product/partNumber/5592324/c_1/1%7Ccategory_root%7CPhotography%7C14419436/c_2/3%7C15701379%7CDigital+cameras+and+packages%7C14419441/c_3/4%7Ccat_14419441%7CDigital+cameras%7C14419442.htm
(long link is long. I wish I knew HTML stuffs, baa.)
Sexy, innit?
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I don't like it when people don't talk to me. It doesn't matter whether its over MSN or face to face or whatever; if someone doesn't say anything to me for a period of time, I automatically start assuming the worst and thinking that they don't like me and are ignoring me. I can't help it - even if I tell myself that no, they're not ignoring me, I still feel like they are, and I honestly hate myself for thinking so negatively.
Do you want to know why this is? It's because I'm feeling so fucking lonely and unappreciated. Half my friends have fucked off to college, leaving me with the grand total of two friends still with me at school. I don't even get to see one THAT often, because we have no lessons together. I only have one lesson with the other friend, who usually makes me want to commit homicide. And that's when I'm having a good day. This is why I spend so much time on MSN and stuff, because you guys are all my friends and I love you so much and I love talking to you, which is pretty much all I want to do after sometimes a whole day of being all by myself, cause I can usually count on you guys when I need cheering up. And the last thing I want is to feel like I am being ignored, because it makes me feel even lonelier and lonelier until I can't take it and want to throw myself into the Tyne. I'm not having a go at anyone, I'm really not. I understand that there may be reasons for not talking for ages, but it would be nice, really, to at least be told this. I know that I should try to make more friends, but I find it really hard. I'm actually really shy, and trying to talk to someone I don't know well is pretty much torture for me. I'm surprised that I've managed to make any friends in my short lifetime. If you're thinking of saying, "Oh yeah, I know how you feel at the moment," then don't bother. People telling me that they can emphasise with me really pisses me off. No one has a fucking clue. No one knows just how upset, angry and guilty I have been feeling lately. And I get even angrier at myself for feeling this way. Then I get even more angrier after this. It's a vicious cycle. Another thing that is depressing me is my future and what I'm going to do. I'm not going to say anything, because even thinking about it makes me want to cry and/or be sick. ... Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow. I hope so. I'm sick of feeling like this. Hopefully you won't think I'm a selfish cow or anything, even though that's probably what I am.
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| Yup. :)
Pick a character that I have written, or that you know I have substantial headcanon about, and ask any five questions about him/her. Be sure to specify whether you would like responses to be OOC (responding as the writer) or IC (responding as the character).
Ask away, dears. 8D | |
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| I didn't actually know I have ten favourite pairings... XD Anyhoo, here they are. With added comments. 8D
Doctor (Nine or Ten)/Rose - Doctor Who
This is the only pairing I like in just fanfic. It just seems kinda... awkward, on screen. Jack/Anyone - Doctor Who. Or Torchwood.
The man's an intergalactic gigolo. He can be paired with anyone! (except Gwen, because I just don't like Gwen/Jack, okay?) Tosh/Owen - Torchwood.
I still hate RTD for killing them off... *sobs* George/Nina - Being Human
Better than Remus/Tonks. *nods* Though I do love that pairing too. Hur. Kyle/Amanda - Kyle XY
Nothing is sweeter than a boy with no memory in love with his piano-playing neighbour. :3 Ron/Hermione - Harry Potter
It took them seven books to realise they like each other! x3 Christ... Booth/Brennan - Bones
They're both as different from each other as you can get, yet they still just... work. 8D I wish they'd hurry up and snog already. Chase/Cameron - House
I've not actually watched House for ages, so I don't really have anything to say... XD Fry/Leela - Futurama
Yes, I ship cartoons as well. Shut up. (: Sylar/Elle - Heroes
Psychopaths in love! Altogether now; Awwwwww!
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| I wish the government/health service/twats who think they know more than us mere mortals would shut the fuck up about swine flu.
STOP MAKING IT SOUND LIKE ITS THE FUCKING APOCALYPSE. NO ONE OUTSIDE OF AMERICA HAS DIED FROM IT. SHUT UP, STOP BEING SUCH A FUCKING TWAT AND LET US ALL GET BACK ON WITH OUR SAD LITTLE LIVES. THE ONLY THINGS WE ARE GOING TO DIE OF ARE BOREDOM, EXAM STRESS AND YOUR CONSTANT, PATHETIC WHINING.
I sneezed earlier. Twice. I'm now waiting for men in biochemical suits to come and drag me to quarantine.
Is it wrong that I kind of wish I was in such a place, where no one could annoy me, talk to me or even breath the same air as me?
*RANTRANT*
Here concludes tonight's hormone- and stress-induced rant. There's a lot more I could rant about, but I'd probably upset people if I did. And I think I do that enough anyway. | |
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Yes, admittedly, I do. XD I'm quite reserved and quiet and shy in real life, whereas online I can be quite the...chatterbox? Typerbox? XD Uh... yeah. I think it's because people online don't tend to judge you quite as much as people in real life. Online you can be whoever you want, which is a good thing, sometimes. Talking about real life, here, have a quote from my first Physics lesson today: Teacher: (talking about kinetic energy) Now, if I stood on the roof of my house and dropped an elephant on you, I imagine it would really quite smart. XD I love Grangey. He's the only reason I haven't dropped Physics yet. And he does magic tricks! He showed us how to do that 'cut the string and yet it is uncut!' trick. Except I can't remember how it goes. | |
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| Have you ever had a really good friend, but then you both had to move schools and then you didn't keep in touch?
When I was younger and still at my first school, I had a friend. A guy friend. His name was Connor, and we were best friends. And I think - THINK - I might've had a bit of a crush on him. Hey, it's hard to tell, I was only 9.
Anyway, we lived on opposite ends of town, though his nan lived - and still lives - in the street next to mine. When it was time to move up to middle school, he moved to the middle school near where he lived, and I moved to the one at the end of my street. Tragically, we never kept in touch. Or we did for a while. I can't really remember.
Today, right, I got let out of my last period 20 minutes early, and decided to walk home a different way for some reason. I was crossing the crossroads when I saw said old guy friend walking in the opposite direction on the other side. We looked at each other briefly, but we didn't actually say anything. He went over to his nan's door, unlocked it, and looked at me again before going inside.
D: I hate myself for being too shy to even go talk to someone I used to be best mates with. It hurts knowing that he's not that far from me now and that I can easily go and knock on the door and say hai, and yet I won't because I'm too fucking shy, or self-conscious, or whatever.
And now I can't stop thinking about how time has flown (I haven't spoken to the guy mentioned above for...what? 7 or 8 years?) and how I've lost friends over the years, just because we've all gone to different schools, or just grown apart, or whatever. I have a friend who lives down the road who I don't talk to; one day in Year 6 we were laughing and talking, the next day, we barely even glanced at each other. There are people in my English class who I used to know in first school, then they went to a different middle school, and then we go to the same high school.
I think it's the hormones making me feel like this. Stupid things.
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tragic_outrage's journal
